Friday, October 24, 2008


This is one of the verses in bible readings that our church is doing. I have actually been keeping up - no matter how tired I am, or how much I want to read the novel next to my bed.

There are a lot of great verses in Phil 4, but yesterday this one struck a cord. A couple of things that I thought about.

1) Rejoice always. Not sometimes. Not when I feel like it. ALWAYS!

2) I am not rejoicing over my circumstances. I am to rejoice IN the LORD. Not about myself! (amazing insight, huh?). I am rejoicing because he has saved me from an eternity separated from Him. I am rejoicing for all that He is. I am rejoicing because I am known by the great I AM. I am rejoicing because nothing can separate me from His love.

After the long month that I have had, this verse has made a difference to me today. I hope it blesses you too.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Fave Friday #10

I have not done all 10 of these, but I pop in when I can. I so enjoy this, so here is goes.

1) Getting a couple days off for Teacher meetings. I am a loser and don't attend. My husband goes hunting for deer in N. Dakota and I shipped the boy off to Grandma's. So it has just been me and the girl. I haven't done much, which is the point sometimes.

2) Finishing a couple of books and updating my book review blog. Check it out here if you are looking for something new to read. I don't always have the best luck with books. I mostly just grab books from the library. Sometimes I reserve a particular book, but most of the time it is all chance.

3) Being able to actually watch Charity swim her 100 M Butterfly. I work the scoring table and usually miss it. I have a trainee for the position and left him alone to watch her swim. She is just amazing in the water. Maybe not Olympic quality for the rest of the world, but most definitely for me!

4) Still being on track for my Bible reading and enjoying it. I know this is a habit that I need to get back into.

5) Hearing my son tell me about his adventures with his grandparents. He went fishing yesterday and had a grand time. I am hoping that I am instilling in him a connection with them. I wish that I had more time with mine as a kid.

I think that is all I have for now! Blessings.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

40 days of growth

My last post was pretty raw and honest for me. What is strange is that I found an old journal entry from about this time of year from 3 years ago. It said about the same thing. I am praying and working on trying to figure out what triggers these feelings this time of year. Roger and I did meet together over pie (most things can be solved over dessert!). Our jobs/careers seem to have become our life - and working in education can be challenging - a blessing many times, but it does suck the life out of us. We have very little left for each other and the kids. We agree that our marriage is the most important relationship besides the one with Christ. We are going to try to have more alone time together and I need to share what is on my mind instead of bottling it all up. I am the type of person that needs goals and I feel lost without one. We are going to work on finding a common goal to work toward. Currently it is getting the children raised and out of the house. This is our season in life and I need to be okay with that.

So, this is the perfect time for what our church is doing at the moment - 40 days of spiritual growth. We are a large church (regular attendance of about 10,000 between our three campus') with a lot of new believers It is so exciting to see lives changed for eternity! That is our purpose as a christian church as a whole - planet wide - to share the good news of salvation. I once heard a christian comedian say that he had friends not want to say yes to Christ to just stay out of Hell. Well, isn't that the whole purpose of Christ coming to earth anyway? That is not a wrong motive to say yes to God's gift. I think that God will use whatever it takes to reach His children that He dearly loves.

I am off track already! The whole idea behind this 40 days of spiritual growth is to teach new believers (and remind those of us that have been believers for awhile) of the disciplines that will bring us into a closer relationship with God. We are encouraged to join in a bible reading plan which started Monday and I am still on track. Yea for me! The above link is for the blog where different pastors from the church share what they learned from the readings. This is a great series and if you don't live close by to attend, listen or watch online at I am re-learning and trying to apply to my current "crisis" as my husband calls them. I know that bible reading can't hurt.

I must go, but wanted to update the few and faithful readers. Thank you so much for the prayers!


Monday, October 06, 2008

Not too happy

I think that I have a happy marriage. Our household runs like a well oiled machine most days. We get up at the same time every morning, eat breakfast, pack lunches, go to work, come home, make dinner, maybe watch some tv or go to the Y and start all over the next day. On occasion we have a swim meet to attend or conferences. Otherwise, our life speaks of routine and stability. Two cars, two kids, a cat and a mortgage - the American Dream!

I truly should be happy with this. My life growing up was challenging. I did have a strange routine as a teenager. Come home to an empty house after my part time job. Mom was still at the bar. Brother was out getting high with friends. I came home and started my homework or headed over to make out with my sometimes boyfriend. Life had little predictability.

I don't know what is going on, but my life feels empty and dull. I want an amazing marriage. But instead, I feel like I have a great roommate. He is amazingly helpful and works hard to keep life orderly. The yard looks great, he fixes things that are broken and even takes care of the floors. But lately, I feel lonely and unknown. He doesn't even know as much about me as many of you do - or at least that is how it feels today.

We have never prayed together because it makes him feel weird. I am always the one praying at dinner or before bedtime for the kids. We have never done a bible study together - it is a private thing. I keep looking to him for some directions in this area - but he seems timid. We both serve at church, but not together. It seems like everything we do is separate or alone. And that is how I am feeling. And then I get comments from him about our not so good sexlife. It is so hard to want to be close physically when emotionally I feel like there is a chasm.

How can we see each other every day and not really know each other? There have been days when we say little more than hello and goodbye. Our lives look so good on the outside, but I am hurting on the inside. We really need some time without the kids to talk. I am just afraid that we will talk and nothing will change - it never does. He really doesn't seem to think there is a problem. But I don't know what he is feeling, because he doesn't share with me.

Please pray. It may take some professional help to work through this. I want to feel cherished and loved by my husband. Right now, I am just feeling like a housemate. I truly want this to change. I don't want to be stuck here forever! Thanks for praying.