Saturday, January 20, 2007

Deep thoughts

Roger took the intiative to suggest going to a one night marriage speaker at our church this Friday - last night. I love going to hear speaker's and learn. If I could afford it I would always be in school! I am off topic already...We heard Amy and Micheal Smalley speak about some tools that help with communication. Yes, Michael is related to Gary Smalley, the therapist and writer. In fact, Michael is his son. It was so great to hear some stories that might not have made it into his dad's books. He is the marriage counselor for us 30 somethings (I'm late thirties, but not quite 40 yet!).

They both covered material regarding how to feel safe - not just on a physical level, but in a way the would create intimacy. The second topic they talked about was taking personal responsibility. It was sort of condemning, in a good way, to be reminded that when we start to pointing fingers, our spouses will often start pointing back! So, before I start blaming Roger for my unhappiness, I need to look deeper in myself for why I unhappy. I am the only one that can change me. That was a lot of what the 2 hour seminar was about. It truly never hurts to be reminded of these basic marriage skills.

One statement in the seminar sticks in my mind, the things that you use to love about your spouse when you first met are probably the things that irritate you now. For example, if your husband was funny, spontaneous and outgoing your might find him to be impatient, loud and insensitive. It is interesting how time changes our perspective of our spouses. Amy and Micheal asked us to remember what brought you together in the first place and rejoice in your differences.

So, I reflected on that. Not that Roger and I are struggling, but to remember how we met. To make a long story short, Charity, and the miracle of her birth, brought us together. We got pregnant before we were marriend - and actually did not have plans to get married. We were going to place Charity up for adoption - thinking that this would be the best for her instead of growing up in a single parent home. I did that as a child and it was tough. Once Charity was born and this child became real to Roger, God changed his heart. Almost overnight, we decided to be parents and then partners for life.

I listen to people speak about how wonderful my daughter is, mature, smart, talented, sensitive, etc. She is all these things. They ask us how - and truly it is not our parenting that has made is all happen. We were just blessed to be able to follow God and play a part in seeing her grow up. I am so glad to say that God used her birth to change so many lives, especially Roger's and mine.

So, Roger and I continue on our journey. We are so gratefull to have humble beginnings and be reminded of that so that we can share our story with others.

I pray that you many be blessed today.


1 comment:

Cheri said...

Thank you so much for sharing. I get jealous about all the things people in the states get to do - like getting to go listen to speakers.

I guess I get to do a lot of things you don't.

Gotta work on that whole being thankful for what God has given me thing. Posts like yours lead me astray sometimes...