Here is the next installment of the I AM study being hosted by The Preacher's Wife. Feel free to join us at anytime. It has taken me a few days to process this one. I want to be truthful in my answers and yet not "spiritual". I am definitely learning tons from this study.
1. Have you ever found yourself 'in faith' yet bewildered or demoralized?
It seems that when I am most confident, I am the farthest from God. I knew that I was called to do ministry after college. I didn't know what. I felt called to Minnesota to perform the gospel in mime. Not very common and MN was a long distance from CO. I didn't know anyone - I walked off the plane not even knowing where I would sleep that night. So began the journey that lead me to my husband, family and home in MN. I left in faith but was not especially confident that I had made the right decision.
I can finally say that I am content by both definitions. It actually makes me nervous - I keep waiting for something bad to happen. I grew up in a single parent home of an alcoholic. Life as a child was never content - I lived in crisis most of the time. It has been a huge adjustment in my marriage to be content and not create that crisis. I am really more comfortable living in crisis instead of living a content life. Being able to say that I am content and enjoy being content is a huge step for me.
3. If you are not content, are there circumstances that keep you from this feeling?
To be decidedly content is a choice. I find that I have to distance myself from those that complain or find something wrong in every situation. I can get so bogged down in that. I can become such a complainer myself - especially if I contributed to the problem. Unconfessed sin. Wow - another place where confession is important.
4. Have you ever found yourself in a place where you looked back on a period of your Christian walk and believed a great opportunity passed you by?
It seems that I have moments like that in conversations. I struggle with sharing the truth of Christ, even when God opens that door. I feel like I miss our on many blessings by not sharing this.
5. Do you ever believe your faith was stronger in an earlier time in your Christianity and find yourself floundering now?
The older I get, the less I know. I think that I now realize how much I don't know about God. As a new believer, it was new and exciting. I was just so excited to be a believer. Now that I am farther in my journey, I feel like I have less knowledge then I should have. Am I wise like all those that came before me? Shouldn't I know so much more?
6. Can you recognize that this season may be one of great preparation instead of a period of "I Was"?
My pastor has talked about the "dash" of your life. From the date of birth to your date of death is a dash - his question is, "How are you using your dash?". I am hoping that God has more planned for me as I pass through the season's of my life. He always has a work for me to do - maybe I just need to recognize it as preparation for the next thing in my "dash".