Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Choices




"Every time you make a choice you are turning the central part of you, the part of you that chooses, into something a little different from what it was before...either into a creature that is in harmony with God,...or into one that is in a state of war with God. Each of us at each moment is progressing to the one state or the other."



C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity



I decided to try this at Fruit in Season. The quote was very convicting for me.

I am a high school teacher and end of the term grades are upon us. It is at this point that they ask if I can give them an "A". I tell them that they always earn what grade they get. Or sometimes they will come in to class and ask if they have to do any work today. I tell them that it is always their choice whether to do the work in my class or not. I cannot force them to learn or finish class work. Doing well in school is all about choices - at least that is part of it.

On a more personal level, my choices and attitudes to bring me closer or farther from God. I can choose to sin and face the consequences of that or I can obey and face the consequences of that - one is a blessing and the other is not.

I struggle with telling the complete truth. I can blame my alcoholic mother for this coping mechanism that I learned. As a young adult I was not really encouraged or allowed to say what was really happening. For example, it was me that had to come up with an excuse why my friends could not stay the night because my mom might come home drunk.

Yet, as long as I keep blaming her, I never claim responsibility for my own sin and it continues to spread and draw me away from my Jesus. I am trying to confess every time I twist the truth or simply cover up. I have been away from home for 20 years now and I am still paying the price for my own sin. I have confidence that by making that choice to identify my sin that Satan (or his minions) will have less control and I will be heading in the right direction toward God.

Thanks for reading

Cyndee

6 comments:

Denise said...

Thanks for sharing, really enjoyed.

Cyndi said...

I love how you are allowing Jesus to "reteach" you coping mechanisms. I understand how hard that is, as I have been having to allow Him to do the same with me as an adult. I'm so glad you participated in IOW this week!

Kelly said...

This is a really powerful post. I, too, grew up in a house where as far as others knew, everything was just fine. Different reasons than yours, but the same projection of all is good. How wonderful that Jesus WANTS to direct us, or redirect us to Him and his ways. Thanks for the post!

Christine said...

Your story is powerful in that you are able to recognize, with the Spirit's guidance, how your past has affected you. Many never do! Thanks for participating and posting your thoughts this week.

Amydeanne said...

thanks for posting honestly!

Darlene said...

I'm reminded of something my father said the other day to my brother-in-law. He said the Bible tells us that the sins of the fathers are passed down 2 generations. He said, "Your father was a drunk, you are a drunk, and unless you break that chain, your son will also be one." It really made him think about the sins we pass down through our actions and how it's important to own up and change the pattern.

Your candidness and willingness to change course is a blessing!